Up the hill and down the dale, I walked the rocky mountain trail;
I saw the plains... I’ve got the pains
To prove it.
My back has spasms, my legs are sore,
But, what is more,
My pants are dry... so that’s not why
I‘m walking like I’ve peed myself.

Australian Vegemite, fairy bread and Anzacs
English Marmite, shepherd’s pie, sausage rolls, sherry trifle, Eton Mess, scones with jam, fruit flan, cheese and pineapple on sticks
Israeli  cholent
Canadian smoked salmon
American macaroni and cheese
Dutch apple cake
The foreign residents gave the Spanish locals a ‘taste of the world’.

A NEW broom is sweeping clean – quite literally – at the soon-to-be-renamed Hotel Montejaque (formerly El Elefante Amarillo), located in the village square of this pretty pueblo blanco in Andalucia.

On the first Wednesday of every month, the village of Montejaque holds what we foreign residents like to call ‘big basura day’ ... when anything broken, worn out or unwanted (apart from our spouses) can be put out for collection.

THE final party in an (almost) empty house, to give away everything that couldn’t be shipped.

We had drinks in plastic cups, appetizers on paper plates…

… and crisps served in a trifle bowl.

“Where did that come from?” I queried.

The packers had missed a cupboard-full of serving dishes.

REMEMBER when moving house meant plying your mates with beer and getting them to throw all your possessions into the back of a pick-up?

Now it’s crates for valuable pictures, an inventory for insurance (how many knickers?) and

overalled men invading the house for four days.

Ah… youth.

It was more fun.

“THE Muse of epic poetry?” The answer’s my pen-name.
“A Spanish drink of red wine, fruit, lemonade, etc?” My favourite beverage.
“Small, social insects in colonies?” My surname.
“Accomplished or supremely skilled?” Say no more.
I’m sure this week’s crossword was compiled by one of my friends or relatives.